Why Married Couples Fight and What God Can Do About It! (Part 1)

Even the best of relationships will probably have disagreements. While the worst will more than likely have intense disagreements. Why all the disagreeing, fussing, and arguing? Why can’t people just get along? The answer is found in James 4: 1-6, “From whence come wars and fighting’s among you? Come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members? Ye lust, and have not: ye kill, and desire to have, and cannot obtain: ye fight and war, yet ye have not, because ye ask not. Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts. Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? But he giveth more grace Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.”

Notice what God states about the fighting and warring. It begins within. Verse one states: “From whence come wars and fighting’s among you? Come they not hence, even of your lusts that war in your members?” In other words, something inside is not settled or peaceful; something is missing. Verse two further confirms this observation by revealing “Ye lust, and have not… because you ask not.”

The word lust means “a longing” for what is forbidden, according to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance. Desire, according to Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, carries the meaning ‘move with envy’ or ‘be jealous over’. We further see couples arguing and fighting over, not necessarily external issues, but something not settled, peaceful, or missing.

The next area of battle can be more spiritual. Verse three reveals: “Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that y may consume it upon your lusts.” If someone seeks God in prayer but with impure motives, God will not answer. This situation can further add to the conflicts and hurts.

Verse four begins to reveal the direction that needs to be taken in order to silence this battle within it. It states: “Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.” God must be first! If God is not in first place, internal struggles develop that can manifest as arguing, fussing, and disagreeing in marriage.

The answer to this externally manifested (arguing with spouse) and internally originated (lack of peace or something missing) is found in verse six. It states: “But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble.” Humility is the key to solving the arguing, fighting, fussing, etc. When believers humble themselves before God; pride, arrogance, self-will, selfishness, etc. are removed from the marriage. Love and servanthood begins to flow and the relationship begins to become satisfying as never before.

Friends, if arguing, fussing, or fighting is destroying your marriage, get on your knees and humble yourself. In doing so, God’s power and peace will be released in your life as never before, and healing and restoration will begin to take place in the marriage.

 

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Dr. Rickey A. Nation, Ph.D. is the Founder and Director of Abundant Life Christian Counseling Services, located in East Tennessee. Dr. Nation has been in ministry since 1985 and started three youth ministries and a counseling ministry. Dr. Nation has a background of seven years in sales, management and marketing. This background enabled him to start ministries and write the one-of-a-kind ministry starter course “How To Start A Counseling Ministry and Take It Higher.” This course is being used-of-God to help begin counseling ministries throughout America and many other countries around the world. Dr. Nation has a vision from God to help begin counseling ministries in America and throughout the world. God is raising up Christian Counseling Ministries to help bring America back to God and it is exciting to see so many people obeying the call.

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