When Does the Heartache Stop

by | Jul 24, 2023 | Counseling and Training

As a Temperament Counselor, many people have shared painful and hurtful relationships, situations, circumstances and events with me. I have often been very emotional as I have listened to their stories. Most of these people have chosen God’s path of freedom through forgiveness. However, it is not easy to forgive when the pain is deep.

Forgiveness defined:
Forgiveness means “to cover”, “to send away”, or “to send forth”. People are hurt by the actions of others and even though they have forgiven them it continues to hurt.

You Will Discover:
Why the pain remains when forgiveness has been exercised. It is difficult to understand when forgiveness has been given on several different occasions, but the pain is still there. It has been stated, “I thought forgiveness would remove the pain.”

The Origin of Forgiveness:
All true forgiveness must start with the Cross. The Cross is God’s expression of love to humanity through forgiveness of sins. How did Jesus forgive? His death was substitutionary when he bore the consequences of our sin and wrongful ways. Jesus set an amazing example when he substituted His perfectly sinless life for our sins. Therefore, all forgiveness is substitutionary.

Principles Associated With This Conflict:
1. Forgiveness must be felt in the heart where the emotions are and then given to God. He will “lift them away”. It does not matter if it is sin or woundedness from others.
2. All forgiveness lives with the consequences of the wrong that has been caused. An example will illustrate. Someone drinks and drives causing a wreck. Someone has been permanently disabled from the accident, which changes their life entirely. That person can forgive the driver causing the circumstances; however, they remain disabled.
3. Before the pain is removed, the emotions must be accessed, the pain must be felt and it all must be given to God.
4. An example prayer for you: “Lord, I forgive _______ (name of person) for _______ (action committed), even though it made me feel _______ (let out the emotions, get in touch with the inner heart and release them to God). I now let go and release this into Your hands and ask You to bless this person with forgiveness as You have done for me and my sins. In the Name of Jesus, Amen.”
5. Ask others to help you, if needed. If not able to forgive at this deep level on your own, it is a good indication that you need help from a counselor that is equipped in helping individuals with great emotional pain.

Discovering the Truth that Frees:
If you are having trouble getting in touch with your pain, talk to a trustworthy friend, pastor or Christian Counselor.

Resources to Further Aid You:
1. “Victory Over the Darkness”
2. “The Bondage Breaker”

These books are by best selling author Dr. Neil Anderson.



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