As I stood before the judge with my eyes to the floor,
I heard him say I’d go to jail once more.
They all said “A.A. is the answer to your prayers;
A place to find comfort and release all your cares.”
Chairs full of hopeless people cluttered the room.
They told stories of sadness, stories of gloom.
They spoke as if this battle can never be won;
But I want to be finished, I want to be done.
“Impossible!” They tell me. ”You’re in it for life.”
“You must put us before your mother, your daughter, and your wife.”
If there’s no hope, no end in sight;
If there’s no hope, then why even fight.
I’ll just have a drink to clear my mind.
A really small one, it won’t take much time.
Just one more drink and I’ll be through;
But on second thought, I’d better have two.
Two turn into ten and another day’s wasted;
It’s that first drink I shouldn’t have tasted.
Days turn into months and the monster’s growing stronger.
I’m miserable now, and I can’t take it much longer.
Time with my family was once free from strife.
But now they’re broken-hearted when they look at my life.
I’ve hurt so many people. It’ll never be the same.
No one wants to see me or even mention my name.
The choices I’ve made and this misery I’ve created;
Do you think perhaps the two could be related?
Maybe I should move away and start my life fresh and new;
But knowing me, the way I know me, I’d probably drink there too.
There is no escape. I can’t get away!
So I’ll just drink some more and try to forget this day.
I used to talk to Jesus, I met Him long ago.
But I turned my back to go my own way.
Would He hear me now? I guess, probably……no.
Oh, how I long to be free, but it seems that death is the only way out for me.
The thought of taking my own life is so very frightening;
So I pray each night, I’ll be in a car crash or be struck by lightning.
I’ve even thought of hiring someone to cause my death.
I believe peace can only come with my last breath.
I hope my death is painful, I deserve to suffer so!
How much hurt I’ve brought to others, I’ll probably never know.
Maybe tonight I’ll die in my sleep and stop causing such sorrow;
But the sad truth is, if I don’t die tonight, I’ll have to live this day again tomorrow.
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